first off, something exciting to announce. the time to rock is finally here. beth and i will be presenting HOT TRASH beginning MONDAY, NOVEMBER 29th from 5-6PM on WCSB, 89.3FM. are you fucking ready??? it's about time. so this is a fine time slot to have for a beginner, but i hope that eventually we will get a late nite one so that we can play anything we want. right now, we would be unable to play beth's favorite mummies song, or even "motherfucker from hell" by the datsuns. you have to watch your language until the kids are in bed. anyway, i'm sure i'll be talking about this more in the upcoming weeks, but don't forget to listen and call us up to say hello. the station's phone number and all that good stuff will come soon.

the other day my family went to my cousin's funeral that i talked about last time. it was super hard. poor amy couldn't even go into the room where he was laid out because her only friend from high school just killed herself a few months ago. all of this really put into perspective how shitty i've been feeling about my own life. even though i complain a lot and i feel like i have a lot to complain about, i know that it could be a lot worse. overall it just sucked and i feel so bad for his parents. knowing now why he did it and realizing that all he would have had to do was tell them and it wouldn't have even been a big deal must be the only thing they can think about. how insignificant the "mistake" he thought he made was, and how the last thing they would want him to do was die for it. ugh.

yesterday we went to see STELLA. me, beth, my brother mike, and his friend met tony meda down there. hung with richie and fred (who was just as excited as we were and i was PROUD). eugene merman is a great man. beth decided that he should move into the sugar shack and be our third roommate, and i couldn't agree more. michael ian black, michael showalter and david wain are three of my biggest heroes. ever since discovering the state when i was 12 or 13, they have amazed me with their talent and unique sense of humor. along with green day, they are one of the things that defined me as a person growing up and still continue to inspire me. the show was great like last time. we played "zots and crambles." we got to see a new STELLA video. we laughed and laughed until it hurt. i would be an incomplete person if any of those guys weren't a part of my life.

i finally admitted to my parents tonite that they are going to be disappointed when they see my report card for this semester. i even admitted that it was because i realized i have been depressed for this whole semester, one of the longest stretches i have experienced in a while, maybe ever? i kept thinking that i was going to pull my shit together sooner or later, that i was just slacking off because i wasn't getting into the swing of things yet, the semester just started, blahblahblah. here we are with a couple weeks LEFT and i can't concentrate on a damn thing. i am so unorganized and unmotivated, and this is not normal for me, at least not to this degree. i think i know what most of the problem is, but there is really nothing i can do about it. it is something that has to be resolved on its own, if it ever does happen. i hate that the last few weeks (months?) have made me such a hateful and boring and annoying person to hear from, and i really hate writing this shit, but i can't help it. i'm sorry.