i have known this needed updating for some time now, but i think i was avoiding it on purpose. i don't know. confused and maybe sad about things but i don't really know, things are really weird right now. i am not making much sense when i try to write this. i should probably just stop.

a lot has been going on. one morning armando (as in our landlord with the punching bag in the attic) had to come over to hang out with me because the heater in our house was broke and i woke up to find that it was 57 degrees in here. lame. another day (nite, rather) beth had to be taken to the emergency room by her boyfriend because the weird chest pains she has been having for the last month got really bad. she is ok now though.

I FEEL REALLY OVERWHELMED BY LIFE RIGHT NOW.

beth and i went to see ? and the mysterians last weekend. it was a fun time. we hung out with charles up front and i loved watching how excited he was to be at the show, ha. it was also great to see ? dance around. how can you not appreciate a 60-year-old man in tight leather pants and a bright orange belly shirt tied at the bottom? priceless. the encore was my song, "8 teen," and i fuckin loved it. speaking of shows, plenty of fun things to look forward to in the next few months: wanda jackson, gore gore girls, guitar wolf, and (as i just learned on tuesday) GREEN DAY. fuck arena tours though, seriously. the moondog coronation ball is also happening soon, and the lineup for this year includes eric burden of the animals, peter noone of hermans hermits, micky dolenz of the monkees (!!!) and three dog nite headlining (uh, gross). somehow i managed to get media passes for beth and i because of our radio show, so i don't know what that means but it might be cool. maybe we can meet micky. IF ONLY.

i invited a guest up to our radio show the other day. we havent spoken face to face in over a year, almost two. it was bizarre, but not exactly uncomfortable. after he left i realized that we weren't supposed to have guests on our show for another 30 days. oops. but yeah...i don't know what to think about any of that. at all. honestly i SHOULDN'T think about it anymore. it will only make my brain (heart?) hurt.

so a lot of people i know are dealing with some pretty heavy personal trauma at the moment, myself included. for a while there it was my routine to call up all my "patients" and check on how they were doing, if they felt any better, if there was anything i could do. i wish there was someone to do that for me. i feel really rundown and neglected. it's probably my own fault though, at least partly. i set myself up for a lot of it. in any event, i just hope everyone feels a lot better soon. all those bullshit lines about "everything happens for a reason..." well, as much as i might hate to admit it, it's all 100% fucking true. i think so, anyway. it's gotta get better from here. for all of our sake, i hope so.

xoxo