and these are just the most recent ones. that doesn't even BEGIN to get into the long-standing crushes that don't pass as quickly! but where does all this get me? no-fucking-where. hahaha.

i am getting really worried/annoyed at my antisocial behavior. i don't know why i act or feel the way that i do but i wish it would stop. i don't want the whole summer to be like this! i had four people ask me to do something today. and instead i turned them all down and sat at home by myself. it's not that i am trying to be a jerk, or that i don't appreciate my friends. i fucking LOVE my friends! to tell you the truth, i have A LOT of friends...or at least, i should say that i know A LOT of people that i am cool with and that i like and would totally want to hang out with. but for some reason, i feel like being social is SO MUCH WORK that it overwhelms me. and that's ridiculous, i know, but i can't stop feeling that way. does anyone know what the fuck my problem is with being so antisocial??? i just met a new friend yesterday and he asked for my phone number. i told him no, because i know if he calls i will just sit there and look at the phone and not want to answer it. not because of anything personal having to do with him, but just because i will feel like i don't have the energy to deal with anyone. gosh that sounds so fucked up. i sound like such a jerk. what the fuck is wrong with me. ugh.

i went to this fucking amazing show the other day. it was the best thing ever because work was really slow and i got to leave at lunchtime...on a saturday! my boss is the best ever. so i was off to another state for good times with a good friend and some GOOD OL' ROCKNROLL. it ruled a whole hell of a lot. i saw all these great new bands that i never heard before but i totally loved. driving home at 4am while listening to motorhead and eating cold french fries never felt so good.

oh, yeah. some good news. hot trash is moving to a new timeslot. we are going from our monday 5-6pm timeslot to the tuesday 11pm-1am show. the old russ romance show. tell yer friends. tell yer mom. CALL US WHILE WE ROCK.

i was almost POSITIVE we would end up in jail last nite. i should not elaborate probably...except to say that mine and beth's first (real) boyfriend, our ex jon skuza, is back in our life for the time being and we went over to his house for a little memorial day memories. jon pops up every few months or years. i will admit that this is the most together i have probably ever seen him...but that was not what i was thinking as the three-car caravan made its way to streetsboro to save a girl and "take care" of her problem. had it went down like planned, beth and i would have been driving a getaway car. accessories to the crime! i hate it when boys fight. luckily it went all wrong and here i am, at the sugar shack instead of the county jail.

i wonder what else i had to say. i am filled with angst today.

xoxo